Dreamers often get overwhelmed with the dreams they dream with their eyes open and fully awake.
For the past few weeks, I have been in bouts with the transitional place that I am in. With the silence from living in a foreign place and the loud volume of my creativity, I’ve been existing somewhere between in some ironic purgatory that has left me feeling lost. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. Every few months, it’s fairly normal for me to go into a deeply introspective state that usually results in me being overwhelmed by all of the things I want to do in life and not feeling sure about whether or not I’m taking the “right” steps to achieve them or if I’m at a place in life that I feel is enough. I’m learning, that it is just my ambition becoming fused with the anxiety that I accrue when I feel my potential transforming into tangible fruition.
On the brink of 22, I’m always living with the notion that time is a concept that we guarantee ourselves with no actual control over how much we are given, but only what we do with it. So my dreams often feel too large and uncontrollable for the questionable amount of time that I have as a breathing being on this earth.
After watching the Kanye West interview on the Jimmy Kimmel Live! Show, I took something from a few of his words, ” You know, I’m only 36 years old. I have other goals and things. And I’m going to use my platform, every platform, to stand up and say, “I want to make something.”
In American society, the age of 36 is not normally deemed a point in life to start innovating new ideas or to set new career goals outside of the stability that most men or women at this age have already achieved. It is to be expected that once you attain certain level of class and status, that you stick what what you are good at and if you branch out as a celebrity, it is only because your finances allow you the free reign to pick up a new hobby or pastime. But as Kanye spoke about just a few years ago, working as an intern at Fendi, fighting for and defending his creative concepts for his long existing passion for fashion, while still functioning as the mega-artist and creative guru that we know him as today, I immediately saw the humility that does exist within him, which is not typically perceived by the public from most of his statements and actions that unapologetically display his opinions and confidence.
There is something to be said about an individual who eats, breathes and sleeps the visions that he or she wants to see come to life. It is about going beyond what you are known for being good at and stepping out into the realm of discomfort and challenging oneself to become heard, seen, felt and respected in order to make an impact through ones creativity or whatever the endeavor entails.
It takes a person to become fearless in order to truly implement his or her passions and requires courage to watch those dreams be rejected or accepted. Either way, there is no ending point, only a constant strive to evolve the dream, even after it has become a reality.
So who am I, at almost 22, to feel unmotivated and defeated by the pressure of my dreams? To fear my own potential is to only be detrimental to myself, pushing me ten steps backwards from the brink of greatness I am approaching. To be fearless is the only way to be fair to oneself, opening up the doors for all possibilities.