just here.

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I’m so happy by the water.
So happy by the trees.
Unbothered by the Chinese security guard who talked to me for 10 minutes in Chinese that I could barely understand. Wô bù míngbái.
Not concerned with the stares.
Just here, enjoying God.

The grandparents they raise the babies. They teach them what the birds do. How they sound. What the say. They show them patience, sitting patiently while the fish leap, “yü”, a baby not few months over two calls out to the water.
They show them the beauty in walking along the path at a slow pace, admiring all that is here, sharing this space.
So many sounds.
The woman clapping her hands to circulate her old blood, still so young and alive.
Lineage is so evident.
Groups of adults play hide and seek behind trees and bushels too small to conceal them. But they still hide anyway.
Because its good to capture moments. it’s good to be free. It’s so damn good to laugh.

One of the few times I’ve gotten to see peace and feel it inside of me, just like I do when I’m in the confines of my own walls.

The clouds darken. The trees stiffen. And we are existing with a moving spirit.

moshing for enlightenment

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From rumbling cities to humble country roads, these places of prayer and worship exist. As soon as I came to each entrance an overwhelming sense of peace and a demand for respect was present, every single time. No matter the location, it is clear that a higher power is present in each and every detail of the arch, pillar and door. You can feel the power of prayer in the stillness of the statues and the time put into creating such beauty.

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These Buddhist and Hindu temples and Mosques were my favorite elements of my journey through Thailand, Vietnam, Malaysia and Indonesia. So much peace dwelled in the stone and gold, reminding me of the importance to always keep my temple, connected to a divine spirit as well as my own. To always strive to posses peace amidst the chaos. And to take time to marvel at the beauty of things that stand silently and speak for themselves.

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“beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself”

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

 – Desiderata.
Its golden, every single time.

42 days – hiatus.

Lately, I haven’t been writing. I wouldn’t call it a writer’s block, I just opted to observe for a little while. Take in all of my idleness, realizations, inspirations, let downs, conversations and moments in a different way. I just stored them for a day like today. I revisited my journal for the first time in over a month and let it spill. Things I’ve observed in 42 days:

  • I must continue to learn to be happy with my happiness. It’s enough. It can always evolve, but my happiness is just that … it’s mine.
  • People won’t ever understand how life can be enjoyable with being in a relationship, occupied with a person or in love at this “peak” in my life. Balance is achieved through introspection and taking the time out to be selfish and get to know yourself. Life has so many peaks, a lot at least one out to reach your prime of self-love.
  • Silence is golden.
  • My bed since I’ve been in China has been a puzzle piece to my peace.
  • Take time to heal. I’ve had to continuously acknowledge my scars, some of them are fully healed and others I’m still tending time. All in due time.
  • My body feels restored again. In every way. It speaks to me and I’ve been listening.
  • Forgiveness is hard.
  • Closure is necessary for me, but everything won’t conclude in peace. Often times, we have to make our own.
  • The present is all we have. The past can no longer have power over all that I have.
  • I am enough, always was.

love is life, and life is free.

This  weekend, I went to Hong Kong to experience the gay pride parade. It was beautiful to feel the energy from people shamelessly proclaiming their pride and belief in justice in love, sexuality and identity. It felt amazing to be able to support so many of my friends in this monumental event. Love is life,and life is free.

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she said, i can’t believe we’re growing up like this.

“i can’t believe we’re growing up like this”

While having a conversation with my best friend today about our experiences over the past few years, we laughed almost to the point of tears at things at some of the things we had once before just shed tears with no laughter about not long ago. From relationships, lack thereof, scandalous moments of self-expression as evolving young women, nights doused with harsh college alcoholic beverages and moments of abstract thoughts and creativity induced by herbs, we have a ton of memories between the two of us. Earlier this afternoon, here we were, texting away at each other on opposite sides of the world, bonding over editing articles and reminiscing.

In those times of  void of care for anything safe but full compassion for our own and each other’s freedom, we were liberated in our mistakes and shaky decision making. Living in the moment, costs us a few things but the gain was so much more precious here in the future. In retrospect, everything we ever did with one another was enabled by the yearn and burn to just be. And at the time, we knew exactly how much fun we were having.

Living is more than the wildness of youth, however, it shouldn’t be discredited as a vital part of our stories. When you look back, decades from the point where you stopped being wild and unruly and got some sense about yourself, you will either forget all of those things you did or you’ll remember them and feel a small inkling of the rush you got from just saying “f-ck it, lets go” with your best friend by your side.

Within a year or two comes so much more growth, better decision making, early bed times, less parties and the thrilling trifles of the days that have passed now add even more color to your retrospect.

We were so busy living,  we never tried to imagine the day when she would say, “i can’t believe we’re growing up like this.”